Friday, September 25, 2009

I just realized I can post from work...

Probably not a good idea, but may be the only time I can post.

Crue slept through the night again last night, which is amazing. Fell asleep watching tv in bed (seems to be his new favorite nursing position lately), and woke up to daddy coming home and putting him in his bed. He must have exhausted himself screaming at Kathryns house for two hours straight... she is really earning her pay! He was so upset when I picked him up... back arched, face red, sweating. I felt so bad! But, I got the little bugger home, ripped my shirt off and he nursed for a good hour. Afterwards, he let out a good poop and fell asleep, lol. He was just hungry, but wouldnt take the bottle. We are going to have to work on that.

Work sucks, I wanna be a stay at home mommy :(

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I can haz sleep?

Apparently not. I think Crue must have had some intense gas all night, because even when I brought him into our bed he would not stop miving and fussing.

I have been up since 2-ish, and I am worn the hell out. Lucky for him about an hour ago he started smiling and managed to give me a second wind due to his cuteness. As soon as 10am rolls around I am waking Josh up so I can get an hour of sleep before the doctors appointment.

Thats all for now... Gonna go try to wwatch Regis and Kelly while I nurse him (hopefully to sleep).

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Crue's birth (out of order, I know)

Crue's birth story
Current mood: blissful
I cant believe he is here, and happy (sometimes), and healthy... and I cant believe such tiny hands can have such a firm grip on my heart.

Crue was born on August 1st. My due date wasnt until August 7th, but because I have diabetes, they scheduled an induction. I was a little upset by this, because I had tight control over my glucose levels the entire pregnancy, and didnt feel there was a reason to induce. In the end, I decided to let the doctors do their thing, mostly because if something did go wrong I would never forgive myself had I not done what was suggested by them.

So, on August 30th, at about 9pm, Amber picked me up to take me to Winter Park Memorial. Josh was at school, and I was going to get my dose of Cervidel to get things started. THey inserted the Cervidel at about 9pm, planning on starting Pitocin the next day. Cervidel is supposed to thin your cervix to get it primed for the Pitocin to work its magic. When they checked me 12 hours later, I had not progressed at all. So, they went ahead and started the Pitocin drip, hoping it would work all the same. By this time I am hooked up to a Christmas tree of IVs.. Glucose, Pitocin, Saline... not to mention a heart moniter and a fetal heart moniter. Forget walking around during labor, I couldnt even go to the bathroom in my room without calling the nurse to help me.

I really wanted to give birth without the use of any drugs. I went 13 hours with the pitocin only to hear the nurse tell me I was still at 1cm. THat was the lowest point of the whole birth experience. There was talk of a c-section (which I did NOT want), which we would schedule the if I went another 12 hours without progressing. With the help and support of Josh and my Doula, Kathryn, I would have had a breakdown. Instead, there were a few tears, and I tried to focus on my body and my baby. I had to get through this, with as little stress as possible. It was at that 13 hour check up that they decided to go ahead and break my water. Up until now, the pain was managable... I could feel the contractions, and see them on the moniter, and they were strong, but not gut wrenching as I was prepared for. After they broke the water... wow. I could feel them through my whole body. I was working on no sleep for 2 days, as well as no food for about 24 hours. I was tired, hungry, and upset. I knew that I would not have the strength to push when I needed to. I decided pretty quick to go ahead and get the epidural so I could get some much needed sleep. It was 1am, on August 1st when the dr administered the drug, and besides waking me up every hour to turn me from side to side, it was the best sleep ever... and I really havent slept since :)

They came back to check me at about 6am, and I was 8cm! Needless to say I was beyond thrilled... no c-section! I called my Doula, and told her to be at the hospital at 8, as thats when they were going to have me start pushing. I also called my mom and sisters who were in town for the event, and told them the same. I was so emotional... happy, scared, nervous... he was finally going to be here! After all of the twice weekly doctors appointments to make sure he was okay, the monthy high-risk doctor ultrasounds, the worrying that is second nature to me... I was going to finally see the fruition of my labor, literally.

Finally, with my nurse de jour and Kathryn holding onto each leg, and Josh by my side, it was time to push. I had stopped pressing my epi button about an hour before (each click last about 20 minutes), so I could feel when I had to push. Each contraction was a lesson on how I was supposed to be bearing down. With the third or fourth one I finally got it right, and we were making real progress. I didnt think I was close, because no one was running to get the doctor. I was watching his head appear in the mirror at my feet, which was very encouraging. Finally, after about 30-45 minutes the dr runs in, puts her gear on, and said I am just a push away! All of the sudden, I feel an immense pressure, and hear someone say his head was out. A few seconds later, I hear Kathryn tell me his shoulders are out, and such relief came over me... the big part was over! I remember asking what to do... I didnt know if I was supposed to keep pushing or what. He slid right out from that point and Kathryn ripped the top of my gown off so he could be placed on my bare skin.

I cannot explain the feeling of having your child placed on you for the first time. If you have gived birth, you understand the immense sense of pride a mother feels. Its truly an amazing experience.

Nurses rushed in to moniter him, with my being diabetic he has an increased need of care. They preformed all of the nessecary procedures with dad at his side, then gave him back to me to nurse. They wanted me to try and feed him as much as possible, because his blood sugar was indeed low. Unfortunately, even though I was able to get him to eat a bit, it wasnt enough, so they had to supplement with a bottle of formula in the nursery. Josh was able to go with him, and I was wheeled to recovery, where I would remain for 3 days.

Besides a few latching issues, and a bad nurse, my in-room recovery went well. I only had a few stiches, and wasnt in much pain. Crue roomed in with me, and Josh never left our side, except to get food. We learned the ropes together, the 3 of us. Changing, feeding, burping... We had never cared for a newborn, so I was glad to have the help of the nurses for a short time.

All in all, it was an experience I will forever cherish. It didnt go exactly as I had planned, but what does? As a matter of fact, the delivery nurse, who knew my original birth plan, asked me what advise I would give to someone who was pregnant in regards to the birth. My reply? Be open. Its fine to know what you would like to happen, and great to question the doctors opinion, but dont have blinders on. If you do, you might be really dissappointed when things dont go the way you wanted. Sure, I wanted a natural delivery (and I HATED when people said all that matters is that the baby is healthy... no, my experience matters too, thank you!), but I made an informed decision based on what would help us most at the time. I have no regrets, because I knew that if I was induced the contractions would be really intense, so I left the epidural option on the table for myself.

I am so blessed to have these amazing guys in my life. After growing up with no real male figure to speak of (sure, I had wonderful uncles, but they have their own life, and werent always there to guide me in mine), I now have an amazing husband, who I adore, and who adores me back. Add to that a son who takes my breath away everytime I look at him. I am so lucky.

The night I went to the hospital...


And what I brought home<3333

I wish I had started this while pregnant...

Just to have a record of how unappreciative I was of sleep. I thought it was hard then... It was, but a different kind of hard. This current kind redefines the word 'hard'. The last two days have been a little easier. He actually slept "through the night" for the first time last night. The quotes are due to the fact that "through the night" is defined by 4 or more hours in a row. That is not, however, how I would have defined through the night had you asked me a few months ago. He slept from 10:30 to 4:30, and I was actually okay with it. He is so smiley and happy in the mornings, that its kind of nice to spend some quality time with my babykins while he is NOT screaming or fussing. I think he has figured out that this is when he gets to have mommy, since I'm back at work now.

Work is going well. No one seems to mind that I occupy the package room to pump twice a day, so that's nice. Turns out I am a super size lactator (Just had an image of Crue nestling up to my breast and asking to super size his meal...), and can pump 5-6 ounces out of each side pretty much every time. Explains why I have such a chunk baby.

Speaking of his belly, he has a doctors appointment tomorrow morning to take a look at what we hope is an umbilical granuloma. I think if they have to treat it tomorrow I will go ahead and call in on Thursday.

And, as much as I appreciate my job now, I do NOT want to do this forever. I applied for FAFSA, just to see if I qualify, and I do! Looking at schools now, but it all depends on where we end up in February. Austins community college has a great Human Relations program. The classes actually look really fun, and I have all of the not so fun ones done already. We'll see... I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I was thinking of doing something in the 'certified dietitian' field, but I need to figure out what to do to achieve that. I think it would be awesome to work with diabetics and maybe even kids? Hey, maybe since I have my ECE cert I can combine the two?

Enough for now, Crue is makin' boobie faces :0